Life In A Wine Bottle
by Kuneko
Summary: It's no secret that Karen is everyone's favorite lush - it seemed only fitting that she was given the honor of starring in her own series of short drabbles. Humor, a dash of romance, garnished with adventure. Mix well before serving.
1. 1 Gingers

/**Author's Note: **This started out as another 500 word drabble challenge, but let's face it, it's no secret that Karen's my absolute favorite Harvest Moon character - so I just decided I'd write a series of drabbles on her misadventures as a drunken youth, stumbling through life in Mineral Town. This is the first of this series :D Expect chapters to be short and... well, drabble-length, and do come back to enjoy a regular dose of everyone's favourite drunk. **End Author's Note /**

Gingers

There was a very simple tradition upheld by certain denizens inhabiting Mineral Town. It was one that was devoutly followed by a fair number of them. It was old - as old as the town itself, perhaps. It was widely followed. It was to the point.

And it went like this: When the sun sets, _find the nearest bar and_ _get as drunk as you possibly can. _This is a story about a girl, who some might argue is the most ... _traditional _girl in all of Mineral Town.

"Your dad's _hot!_" Karen leaned over and whispered - in a very _loose _definition of the word - to the boy on the barstool next to her, who had been in the process of sipping a Mojito. His reaction was a charming succession of splutters, coughs, and spits as his drink had evidently gone down the wrong way.

Clearing his throat - and adjusting his glasses before they slid of his nose - he replied, "Seeing as the last time _I _even saw my dad was when I was five, I'd say your memory is either remarkably good or you're just hallucinating at this point." This was likely.

"...Wha-? Ann? Why d'you sound like Rick? I don't r'member y'sounding like _that _egghead."

Rick pushed Karen firmly to her right, where Ann was sitting - and also because the poor blonde was about to plummet over had she tried to lean to her left anymore.

"Oh. _Oh! _Hi Ann. So, yeah. Your dad's _hot._"

"Thaaat's unnecessarily creepy. Cheers." The ginger replied, raising her glass in sarcasm. One learnt to tune out Karen's remarks when she had reached her peak hours of inebriation - not to mention that once the beer goggles were on, _everyone _was attractive. Saibara was attractive. Won was attractive. The barstool was attractive. Tonight's eye candy, apparently, was Ann's dad, the owner of the establishment, Doug.

"I mean, that moustache. C'mon, Ann, don'tcha love a guy with some facial hair? Why can't _you _grow a moustache? I want a moustache. Get me a moustache." Karen shot at Rick. She attempted to spin around to face him, but only ended up spinning around four more times than was necessary and ending up on the floor in a crumpled, giggling heap.

Ann hurried to help her up, a role she had grown far too comfortable with. Rick was the unfortunate soul who'd later have to haul her home (which might have explained why he was trying to drink as much as he was).

Pulling the blonde's face up to her own level, a look of stunning realization dawned on Karen's face.  
"_Ohhhhh. Now _ah'see where Doug gets his good looks." She said, blearily staring at Ann's round face.  
"Haha, I don't think it works like that, Karen..." Ann chuckled feebly, cheeks growing red, "Besides, didn't you just say y'wanted a guy with a moustache?"

"Maybe it runs in the family!" Karen reasoned, bungling to her feet, "And if yours is anything like your dad's..." The lush let out a sultry chuckle under her breath.

"_Annnd,_ you've _officially_ flown off the drunk-o-meter. Rick!" Ann called out.

"Gingers," Karen sighed, "Such teases."


	2. 2 Benchwarming

( 2 ) - Benchwarming 

"Come _on, _Karen! I only have a few weeks left before I have to head back!" pleaded the dark foreigner.

"_Oh noooo_," lamented the blonde, making no effort to guise her sarcasm, "How am I _ever _going to enjoy my summer without your little bandana-wearing self to pester me?".

She couldn't actually _see _whether or not the stupid tanned shopowner was wearing a bandana or not, as her view was obscured by a magazine she had lazily picked up off the counter of the Supermarket and read for a whole minute and a half before dozing off on her favourite bench with the article on her face. But this was _Kai, _so she'd bet her _drinking money _on the likelihood that he'd have it wrapped around his head as usual.

"You can laze around by the beach all you want! Ann just really had her heart set on having a picnic today, and you promised you'd be there."

Karen shifted her position _very _slightly on the bench - she was far too comfortable where she was, lazing around in the sun, practically exuding lethargy, inconveniencing anyone who wanted to actually sit -

"I cooked up a storm, too! We need your stomach to help devour it all. Baked corn, french fries, chicken wings - "

"You mean your chicken wings that are so overcooked you can't tell whether you're biting into meat or bone?" Karen interjected in a monotone, her voice still muffled by the magazine plastered across her face.

"H-He's still learning, Karen!" piped up the voice of a girl who was meekly attempting to protect her boyfriend's honour.

"You're there too, Popuri?" Karen asked groggily, before Kai snatched up the magazine and threw it aside, prompting Karen to howl in pain; "The sun!" she moaned, "_Why..._"

"Some of us like the sun, which is why _we're _going to go down to the beach and enjoy it." Popuri stated indignantly, before grabbing Karen by the arm and attempting to pull her off the bench.

Limp as an invertebrate, Karen only flopped over and ended up with her head and arms hanging off the edge of the bench as she stared up and Kai and Popuri, upside down.

"Will there be beer?" she asked, her mouth cracking into an innocent, hopeful, upside-down smile.

"Margaritas. Lime and strawberry. Ice-cold pitchers."

In a lightning-quick motion, Karen scrambled to her feet and linked arms with both Popuri and Kai, a glint in her eye that practically screamed exactly what she was thinking: _Why didn't you __**say **__so?_

"Now _that's _an incentive!" she declared, marching towards the beach. Receiving pointed stares from either side of her, Karen quickly added, "I mean, uh, look at me! I'm fulfilling promises to friends! ... That I totally intended to fulfill anyway! Ha, ha..."


	3. 3 Elli

(3) Elli

Lunch time at Doug's place was always a busy affair. The summer alleviated business just a bit; Kai's Snack Shack was open and the prospect of snow cones and baked corn was always inviting. However, Doug's would always be a staple in the days of many Mineral Towners.

"So the Doctor told me he saw you and Rick sneaking off into the forest the other day," Elli said, seated across from Karen at a table at none other than Doug's place.

"_That's _not at all creepy, or anything. Tell him to keep his eyes on his patients!" Karen replied, leaning back lazily in her chair. She enjoyed her regular lunch dates with Elli - they were all the time she had with the brunette, really, as the Doctor was apparently a fan of slavery and kept her behind the Clinic counter as much as possible. That, and the fact that she was no fan of alcohol (it _apparently _was _"bad" _for you, but Karen marked that off as another inane theory spawned from paranoia and the old wives' tales. Next thing you know, people would be telling you that french fries and pizza _didn't _make for a healthy diet!) made it harder for Karen to find the time to socialize with her.

Brushing off her comment, Elli gave Karen an uncharacteristically sly grin. "What exactly _were _you two doing deep in the woods together?"

"Oh come on," Karen rolled her eyes, "We've been going in there since we were kids. I dunno, it's just 'our' place, I guess. It's a place to think freely, to talk candidly, to –"

"Make out?" Elli barely got the words out, any further words being engulfed in a fit of giggles. Mature as the young nurse was, when it came to things romantic, Elli still gushed with all the inexperience of youth. Karen herself had been "dating" Rick for as long as she could remember – they'd been a 'pretend couple' since their childhood, and somewhere along the line they stopped being children, and their relationship stopped being pretend. She couldn't quite put her finger on when this was; the transition was eerily natural.

"Thanks for that, El," Karen said dryly, "And if you must know, _yes, _if the big ol' dummy didn't choose to make out right where a mole would tunnel right through!" the blonde unconsciously rubbed her back, "Those things have _rocks _for _skulls. _I swear, if I had a hammer…"

"That's just unethical now." Elli remarked, albeit with an amused ring in her voice.

"I'll teach that _mole _some ethics about interrupting people trying to get it on—"

"Maybe it's the Chastity Mole!" Elli exclaimed, sounding suddenly inspired, "A mole that travels secretly through the underlying framework of the earth, determined to keep young couples from making terrible mistakes! Maybe it's a sign, Karen, maybe the mole is trying to _tell _you something! The Chastity Mole knows all!"

Karen paused, then continued to chew the french fries lodged in her mouth. After swallowing, the teen calmly asked, "Elli… are you sure you don't drink?"


	4. 4 Eggs

**/Author's Note: **I know the Egg Festival (or at least, the one described in the following drabble) is pretty much SNES-exclusive, but I always thought it was fun and would've been even more fun had it been brought to the later games. So! Suspend your disbelief a bit, you'll live. (And for those eagerly awaiting the next chapter of HH!, it's coming! I swear. I'm not dead, though College has made its fair share of attempts) **End Author's Note/  
**

(4) Eggs

Saturday morning meant another day off for Karen. Actually, it meant the exact opposite, but as far as Karen was concerned, her ingenious scheme to spill vegetable oil all over Manna's dress (by 'accident'), thus distracting her and everyone else in the cramped Supermarket to the point that she could slip out unnoticed, had… _earned _her the right to loaf off a bit. Those plans didn't think _themselves _up, after all. Her employment was secure, of course, as her _parents _owned the Supermarket, and they'd never fire their own _daughter! _Blood was thicker than water, after all. Or, in this case, vegetable oil.

Somehow, however, Karen found herself conned into doing yet more work. Pastor Carter, the gentle soul who maintained Mineral Town's Church of the Harvest Goddess, decided that this sunny morning was as good a time as ever to call in a favor she happened to owe him (there _may _have been an incident involving a drunken visit to the Church confessional – but that was an anecdote for another time).

And so, it was with that looming guilt that Pastors were often able to exude at will that Karen found herself sitting in the Church with Carter, Popuri, and Mineral Town's resident runts, Stu & May. The two ebony-haired children – not at all related, for Stu was Elli's brother and May the grand-daughter of old Barley, the ranch-owner – were helping Carter prepare for Mineral Town's first ever Egg Festival.

This involved, apparently, copious amounts of Egg painting. And this was where Karen and Popuri came in.

"I want _hearts _on mine!" May had declared to Karen, who was now biting her lip trying to paint as intricately as possible on the tiny egg. Three times she had botched hearts into looking like shapeless red blobs, twice she had been concentrating far too hard and ended up crushing the egg in her grip.

Finally losing her patience – Popuri still had _plenty, _but after all, all Stu wanted on his eggs were solid colors. Solid colors! – Karen snapped, "Why do you want hearts anyway?"

"It's for _love._" May said simply, as though it were obvious – Which it _was, _but it still explained very little.

"Oh, Sweet, sweet, May. To be so delusional again," Karen sighed, "Love isn't all it's –" Another egg burst in her hand, "…cracked up to be."

"Did you and Rick have another fight?" asked the ever-perceptive child.

"It was _his_ fault! He's such a pain in the a—" A certain Pastor chose that very moment to clear his throat very loudly.

"But you'll get back together, right?" asked a hopeful May, "You have to! You have to get married and have babies so I'll have more kids to play with!"

Wiping her hands absently on her jean shorts, Karen quirked an eyebrow at the girl, "Woah. Slow down there, kiddo, Rick and I aren't anywhere _near _ready for that. And not to mention, by the time our – _hypothetical – _baby is old enough to play with you, you'll have no interest in hanging around with some dumb kid!"

"Well, _you _still like hanging around me."

"… Keep proving me wrong, kid, and that'll change fast."


	5. 5 Chilled, i

**/Author's Note: **And my quaint little drabble-series reaches its first "story arc". You may have noticed that there's a vague continuity present in these chapters, but I still very much so like the "drabble" style, so this won't be becoming a full-blown multi-chapter anytime soon. Each chapter _is _meant to stand-alone, but as I said, a very slight continuity is being formed. There won't be too many story arcs, and this one will likely be two chapters at most, but here we are. Enjoy! **End Author's Note/**

(5) Chilled, part i

Summer in Mineral Town meant drowning oneself in either one of two liquids: at night, alcohol, and during the day, under the scorching sun, the town's bountiful supply of crystalline water.

There certainly was no shortage of the latter. The town's river cascaded down the mountains, filling a lake on its way, gliding down by the town's natural hot springs, then bending and tracing an elegant line through the farms and ranches on the town's outskirts, before finally becoming one with the endless, azure ocean. Needless to say, there was plenty of choice available to the town's denizens whenever they needed a place to spend a particularly dry, mercilessly hot day.

A day very much so like the one Karen was currently cursing under her breath. The sun was overhead, and everyone was taking advantage of it in one way or another : Ann and Mary preferred the calmness of the Hot Springs, as did some of the older residents of the town, Popuri and a fair number of the guys in town were having an obnoxious afternoon down by the beach (Karen _would _have been tempted to join, but something about Popuri's new two-piece, Kai's wandering eyes, and Rick's flaring temper told her it was best to steer clear, for the time being), Elli was, once again, chained to the counter at the Clinic, ball-and-leash and all, and as for Karen – the bouncy blonde was currently hiking up the mountain trail, long golden hair pulled up in a ponytail. To Karen, the second-best place to be in Mineral Town during the summer (second to the bar, of course – did you even have to ask?) was the ice-cold basin near the top of Mother's Hill.

In her presence was none other than the farmer in whom she had found a fast friend – Jack. He was always pleasant company – a casual drinker, a lover of nature, a hard worker, and in possession of enough spunk and energy to keep Karen from getting bored with him too quickly.

"You _sure _you wouldn't rather be down at the beach? I hear Popuri's bikini is still a bit loose, and if they're playing volleyball right about now, you could be in for a show!" Karen called in back of her.

"I'm sure, I'm sure! You _know _your boyfriend would dash my head against the rocks if he caught me even glancing at the sand she's standing on!" laughed Jack.

Karen sniggered – he knew Rick all too well, despite only moving to Mineral Town a season and a half ago. "I wonder if I should be worried that he's down at the beach playing supervisor to his little sister, yet letting his – infinitely hotter – girlfriend hike through the mountains with some rugged farmer!" She joked.

She was, of course, not at all worried. She knew that Jack knew where to draw the line in their harmless teasing and play-flirting.

"I'm not sure," she heard Jack say from behind her, "But all I know is that Popuri's two-piece has got nothing on those short-shorts of yours! Mm!"

…Or maybe Karen was wrong.

- To Be Continued -


	6. 6 Chilled, ii

(6) Chilled, part ii

Trudging on through the mountains, Karen had a fair number of things to endure. Firstly, the rays of the sun beating down on her – as the trees were getting more sparse the closer they got to the lake, the shade had left them. Secondly, the sweat pouring down her forehead and, she was sure, the rest of her body. And finally, she had to endure the burning stares directed at her behind, which she was painfully aware of after Jack's last remark. She made a few attempts to slow down, enticing him to take the lead as she feigned exhaustion (it was getting easier and easier to feign, somehow), but he'd simply give her a hearty slap on the back – hand always lingering for a moment too long – and tell her to suck it up.

It was under these conditions that Karen, understandably, felt like she had stumbled upon the garden of Eden when she finally made it to the glassy lake. Reluctant though she was to tear off her daisy dukes and tanktop - revealing a two-piece of her own – in front of the farmer, not even a hundred leering men could keep Karen from enjoying the icy bliss that was the lake. And so, in a flash, clothes were off, and a string of "Finallyfinallyfinally_finally!_" streamed from the teen's mouth as she ran and took the plunge.

The lake on Mother's Hill, cold enough to freeze over during the winter, provided indescribable relief on days as scalding as this one. Resurfacing, hair plastered to her face, Karen called over to the shore for Jack to join her. "Last one in has to pay for drinks tonight! … Except there's only two of us and I'm already here so I win by default! Hells yeah!"

Hair still forming a solid curtain down the front of her face, Karen let out a yelp that echoed through the hills as she felt something pinch her side.

"Boo," Jack's voice uttered in her ear, as he took a sweeping hand across her face, brushing her hair aside.

Momentarily stumped at what had happened, Karen propelled herself backwards through the water once realization dawned. "Oooh, you're sneaky, Mr. Jack!" She stuck her tongue out.

Putting considerable distance between herself and – the now shirtless – Jack, Karen twirled, paddled and swam to her heart's delight, feeling that the trip had at last been worth it.

"I'm impressed, actually," she remarked lazily, letting herself float effortlessly on the surface of the pristine lake (a little ashamed - except _not at all because she's Karen – _of her slightly protruding beer belly). "Most people almost always opt for the beach or the hot spring. I haven't had a swimming buddy up here in _ages._"

"Not even Rick?" asked Jack, carefully taking his cap off and shooting it to shore in a perfect, spinning frizbee-toss. Karen didn't like where the question was going, or the vaguely hopeful intonation Jack carried.

"A lot of people can't take it. Too chilly," She answered carefully, "Which _reminds me!_" As quickly as she had gotten in, Karen shot out of the lake and towards the rucksack she had brought with her, before returning with a bottle of her favourite summer wine.

"You serious?" Jack asked, torn between incredulity and amusement.

"Hush. This is the best way to enjoy wine." Dipping her body back into the water, Karen swam over to a cluster of protruding rocks by the waterfall, and comfortably fitted the bottle in between two of them. "Nothing, and I mean _nothing, _beats wine chilled in Mother's Lake during the summer."

Jack laughed, now unabashedly amused at the girl's love for alcohol. "Aren't you like, nineteen? You sure have a lot of experience for someone who's been allowed to drink legally for only a year."

"Eh," Karen shrugged, maneuvering over towards him, "Mineral Town is pretty chill about that kind of stuff. I was an early bloomer."

Immediately regretting her choice of words, she saw Jack's eyes lower – even if only slightly - and his mouth open only to let out two words: "I'll say."

Karen wasn't about to get wound up. She was used to being hit on – by all variety of man, woman, and anything in between – and this time was no different. If she was going to be truthful, the only thing that bothered her was how seriously people took – or, more often than not, _didn't _take – her relationship with Rick to be. If only, though she rarely admitted this to herself, because it made _her _doubt herself.

And Karen did not doubt herself. Oh no, she was right about things pretty much 99% of the time, so there was very little room for doubt, needless to say.

Taking advantage of where they happened to be, Karen chose to submerge herself underwater rather than justifying his come-on with an actual response. A little bit of discomfort was hardly going to cause a dent in her blissful summer day of swimming, drinking, and laughing it up away from the rest of the world.

- To Be Continued -


	7. 7 Chilled, iii

**/Author's Note: **Well, this little story arc certainly turned out longer than I intended! 'Chilled' could have been a one-shot all on its own, to be honest xD But I think I like it better as part of the LiaWB collection. And here we go! **End Author's Note/**

(7) Chilled, part iii

Lying sprawled out on the grass – not even bothering to spread out their towels – the two teens drank deeply from the bottle of wine, passing it back and forth between them. The sun, which Karen had previously considered adding to her list of arch-nemeses (along with hangovers, split-ends, and work) was now exuding a comfortable amount of heat on their cooled off bodies.

"You've got a point," Jack remarked, giving the bottle in his hand a significant nod, "This _does _taste better."

"Yes, sir, it does. Bow down to my expertise."

"We're definitely doing this again some time, you know that, right?" said the brunette, turning on his side. Karen got a glimpse of his build fully for the first time, and couldn't help but appreciate it. She took a mental snapshot and filed it away for the next lonely night she had to endure – one that usually followed a fight with Rick.

"Sure thing. If I keep coming up here alone, I might start believing in that old Kappa myth people won't shut up about," Karen laughed, joined shortly by Jack.

"And now, you're going to have to excuse me, but it's time to get my tan on!" She turned on her stomach and began to undo her bikini top. She was fully aware that, yes, this _could _turn into a potentially compromising situation, but she didn't particularly care – it took _a lot _to make Karen care about anything, really. She was secure in her control of the situation, as well – it was inhibitions she lacked, not fidelity.

Needless to say, Jack's eyes were popping out of their sockets at this point. It would be hard to blame him – if one didn't know Karen, which he barely did when compared to the rest of the village who had grown up with her brazen and impudent nature, one would definitely take her behaviour as at least a bit of a come-on.

"Erm, w-want me to rub some lotion on you or something?" Jack asked hesitantly, unable to tear his eyes away from Karen's bare backside.

"Sure, man-slave. You bring any?" Jack did not respond, and despite having her head buried in the grass, Karen could perfectly imagine the pouty bite-lip he was most likely doing at that moment.

"Dammit…"

"Thought so."

Turning on his back and trying his absolute hardest to keep his eyes from straying to the girl next to him, Jack busied his mind with deciphering shapes in the clouds. It was horribly mundane – and this may or may not have had something to do with the half-naked girl lying beside him.

Said girl had, after a few minutes, fallen asleep with her face in her arms. The wine and the smell of the grass – both intoxicating in their own way – had seen to that.

"Karen?" called Jack, after hearing faint snores from the mass of half-wet hair. Leaning over, he brushed a few strands out of the way only to confirm that she was, indeed, enjoying an extremely peaceful sleep.

He leaned closer, feeling the impulsiveness of slight inebriation take over. He decided to just do it, and brought his face within an inch of hers, ready to do what he had been aching to do all day.

"Um," came Karen's voice, suddenly crisp and awake.

Deciding to ignore the _minor_ detail that she was now awake, Jack quickly moved in for the kiss, only to be met with a mass of golden hair and a skull concealed within it. Headbutting Jack, Karen quickly tied her bikini back up and sat up.

"Yeah, no, that's not a good idea, bud."

"I… but…" Jack stammered, though Karen was not at all angry.

"Trust me. Ever heard of the Chastity Mole? That thing could appear _anywhere! Anywhere, man! _It's probably watching us _right now!_" Karen proclaimed in utmost seriousness.

"…Excuse me?"

"Dude, the _Chastity Mole! _It would have a few choice words to say about us just – just making out on the shore of the lake! And they wouldn't be pleasant words! Hell, they probably wouldn't even be words; they'd just be cranial smashes! Worse than the one I just gave you! That thing's head is a friggin' rock, man! A boulder, even! And you dare anger the boulder-headed beast with your un-chaste actions? _Do not anger the Chastity Mole!_" Karen topped her display off with flailing her arms wildly, before springing to her feet, grabbing her stuff, and running down the mountain half-naked, leaving behind a very perplexed Jack.

"Chastity… Mole..?"

Though 'perplexed' may have been an understatement.


	8. 8 Unsent

(8) Unsent

Karen, like most people, had her own way of dealing with things. Karen situated herself at the desk in her room, as she often did on such a summer night, wearing nothing but an undershirt and a pair of her chicken-print underwear (a gift from Rick, which she had vowed to never wear as anything other than PJs when the temperature allowed for it. Sure, there was little chance that it would ever be _seen _if she decided to wear it in public, but Karen had had far too many hazy nights at the bar to know that one should never risk things like this).

Taking out a piece of paper from her desk drawer, Karen reached for a pen from her tankard-turned-pencil-holder and brought it to the pristine sheet of paper, letting her thoughts flow freely.

_Dear Jack._

_ Okay, so. You are really friggin' hot. Can we just establish that? Alright, thanks. I'm talking super-mega-uber-where-the-hell-did-you-come-from-you-demon-of-sex hot. Yeah. _

_ I mean, Rick has muscles. His arms – oh, his arms! I love them. I do. So strong, so firm, so perfect for latching on to during long walks on the beach. But you! You just have the whole package. Dear Goddess, take me now. _

_ I like you, okay? You're a great guy, and I can see us being great friends. That'd be friends-with-benefits if I wasn't half-way to engaged with Rick. Whatever, though, I'll live. We're just going to have to go swimming a lot more. A lot more. I might cry once summer ends. Hey, you can do your farming in autumn without a shirt on, right? Right? It only gets a tiny bit nippy here in Mineral Town. You're a tough guy._

_ Anyway, Jack. Love you._

_ Just not in the way you'd like. Sorry._

_ (I think.)_

_Karen_

Finishing the letter and smiling down at her penmanship, Karen placed the pen back in the tankard. Sliding off her chair, Karen felt the cold wood of her floor connect with her knees as she got down on all fours. Extending an arm under her bed, she grasped around for a wine bottle – and finding one wasn't particularly hard. Pulling it out, she sighed– it had been filled with yesterday's letter. She clearly wasn't getting drunk enough recently.

Pulling the empty wine bottle she had polished off earlier that day out of her rucksack, she popped the cork off and slid the letter inside, before corking it again. Satisfied with her appropriate choice of bottle, she carefully slid it under her bed, where she heard a _clink_ing sound as it situated itself with the other bottles.

Then she went to bed. Not even bothering to close her open window, Karen let the summer breeze soothe her body to sleep, as she spent yet another night laying with her secrets beneath her.

**/A/N: **_'Life in a Wine Bottle' _indeed. **End A/N/**


	9. 9 Box

(9) Box

Then there was the day when a heat wave hit the town. These weren't uncommon – far from it, really – but they made for excruciatingly slow days. Everyone was advised to stay within the shady confines of their homes, as opposed to risking exposure to the burning ball of death in the sky (as Karen had taken to calling it). Windows were thrown open in the feeble hope of enticing a breeze to enter one's home, unless – and Karen would forever curse Elli for this – you were in one of the bigger buildings, such as the clinic, where air conditioning was less of a fantasy.

"It's been acting up all day, hon, I really think I should just pop by the clinic…" Karen heard her father, Jeff, say in the room over.

"Your stomach's _fine! _You just want an excuse to go vegetate in front of their air conditioner!" replied Sasha, Karen's mom, in her usual no-nonsense tone.

"What if it's the _heat _that's making my stomach ache…" Jeff muttered indignantly.

Accustomed to her parents' squabbling though she was, Karen found it tiring to listen to. It was only accentuated during such trying times of heat, and her parents had been at each others' throats since the week prior – their fridge had broken, the one in which they stored all the goods to sell at the Supermarket. Needless to say, this had impacted the store, and they'd had to cut down on their orders to keep things from going bad. As it turned out, the fridge _was _just old and had been standing on its last legs, but Sasha still insisted it was, somehow, Jeff's fault.

Karen turned over in her bed, stretching her arms and legs, accidentally kicking her cat off the bed.

"Sorry Gauguin!" she crooned – the cat had been named by her father, after a painter from France that she didn't give two hoots about. _Karen _would have named the cat something like … Whiskey! But the peculiar little thing wouldn't respond to anything besides Gauguin, and it had stuck.

The doorbell rang, now nearly impossible to hear over the row her parents were having. Waiting for it to ring once more – which it did, unnoticed – Karen hopped off her bed and walked barefoot over to the door in the main room of the house, only to be greeted by Zack, the town's shipper and delivery man, against a backdrop of cardboard.

"Took you guys long enough…" The muscled man remarked, peering into their home. After his eyes met the familiar sight of Jeff and Sasha involved in one of their usual quarrels, Zack sighed at the familiarity. "Yo! Guys! Your new fridge is here!"

Sasha cast Jeff a scalding look before sweeping over to Zack, a surprisingly genuine-looking smile plastered on her face as she signed for the delivery.

Half an hour later, Zack, with Sasha's help (and Jeff's … moral support) managed to empty the large, life-sized cardboard box and reveal the shiny new fridge that would keep the Supermarket in business. Zack jovially continued on his way (dodging any questions about how he managed to lug that _entire fridge_ here himself) and Sasha beamed at their newly-acquired appliance. Karen, however, had eyes for only one other thing.

"I CALL DIBS!" the teen yelled, milliseconds before diving into the polystyrene-filled box. Gauguin, to her pleasant surprise, followed suit. "Gauguin, you can be my first-in-command. We're taking this baby to the moon!"

"Karen…" her father sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "Act your age, please."

"Oh, where's your sense of fun? Let her be." Sasha snapped back.

"You're _always _looking for a way to criticize _whatever _I say, aren't you?"

"Uh, guys?" came Karen's voice from within her cardboard spaceship, "You can continue fighting or whatever, but there's technically no _sound _in space, so I'm _technically _not going to hear any of this. Alright? Alright! Come, Commander Gauguin, next stop: The _mooooon!_"

And this was how Karen had found a way to amuse herself indoors during a heat-wave, and simultaneously drown out her parents: exploring the cosmos with her cat in a cardboard box. The wonders of science never cease.


	10. 10 Tomato

(10) Tomato

_Splat._

Red. Red everywhere.

A battlefield.

_Splat. _

Why do I keep getting hit? Why why why whywhywhy –

_Splat._

Whose team am I on? Are there teams? What's a team?

_Splat._

Was I on Danna's team? Is that her name? _Danna_—

_Splat._

Who's who's who's Danna? No… It's Manna… Right, Manna, is she the red-head or the one that talks a lot or the one that's yelling at me or, no, everyone's yelling at me, why is everyone yelling at me, can't they tell this is _war _and-

_Splat._

I don't even _like _potatoes, why are they chucking _potatoes _

_Splat._

I mean _tomatoes _not _potatoes _but you know what they say_, tomato, potato, _whatever –

_Splat._

Dear Goddess it's raining now oh goddess the blood is rain the rain is blood why is everything red why why

_Splat._

_I want to throw these I want to throw them at everyone I want to kill I want to kill everyone I will kill everyone Die Die Die Die Die Die_

_Splat._

How many times do I have to be hit before I die? Why do they keep

_Splat._

I'm dead. Let me die. Stop, just stop, just

_Splat. _

_STOP IT STOP IT_

_Splat._

_STOPPITI'MAFUGGIN'KILLYOUGUYSSTOPPPP_

_Splat._

Dammit Rick just because you told me red looked good on me the other day does _not _give you the permission to Holy crap that's a big pota- tomato I should duck how do you duck I need to duck but behind what oh I'll just duck behind him his suit's already red it won't matter to –

_Splat. _

Oh Goddess that was the mayor wasn't it the mayor just got pelted he saved my life though I love him I love him I will marry him and give him my kingdom for he hath saved the life of a fair maiden today oh thank you Mr. Mayor whose name I don't even remember thank you thank you thank you

_Splat._

Down for the count.

…

…

…

… _Splat. _

I hate you Stu.


	11. 11 Remedy, i

**/Author's Note: **It's been a little while, but I haven't forgotten about this fic either :) Karen's way too fun to write to give up on this. Enjoy the latest chapter! **End Author's Note/**

(11) Remedy, i

"It's two in the afternoon! I've never _been _hungover this long!" cried Karen, her head against the wooden surface of one of the tables at Doug's Place.

"That's a bald-faced lie and you know it, sugar." Ann replied, attempting to clean the table her dirty-blonde haired friend was currently collapsed at. Treating her like an everyday obstacle (which, she kind of _was, _in more ways than one), Ann cleaned around her, hoping there wouldn't be a Karen-shaped layer of grime on the table when she was done. "You only woke up an hour ago anyway, so again, it's absolutely normal that you're still wading through the treacherous seas of Hangover country."

"Stop using _big words!_" moaned Karen.

"Treacherous?"

"Country."

"Uh… Right."

"Why do I smell like ketchup?"

"Aiyaiyai… I was wondering when this would all start coming back," the amber-haired waitress hooked her rag onto the belt loop of her denim overalls and leaned on the table with one hand. "Y'got blitzed at the Tomato Festival yesterday, knocked over three barrels of tomatoes, sabotaged every side of the competition, made a fool of the mayor, and got pelted with more tomatoes than any one team the entire day."

"It's not my fault! Duke shouldn't have been serving Bloody Caesars for half-off!" Karen groaned, her head pounding as every one of these familiar scenes pounded its way back into the forefront of her mind. "Nice. I ruined another festival."

"Ruined? Aw, Karen! I don't think you realize we had more fun throwing veggies at this dazed little blonde who could seemingly feel no pain all day. You were a freakin' Tomato martyr out there!"

"Glad. To be. Of Service." She grumbled in response, pounding her head on the wood rhythmically, for emphasis.

"If yer hangover's so bad, you could always try a nice home remedy," called Doug from behind the counter as he lazily counted the cash in the register, "Y'know, one of those old country tricks."

"I will try as many as it takes for me to _not _feel like the Gourmet is doing squats on my head."

"Hmm…" mused Doug, scratching the end of his moustache, "Have you tried freshly squeezed milk?"

"Hand me an udder and I will."

Shuddering at the image, Ann interjected, "What about some ancient pickles from our basement? I hear those'll do in a pinch. Oh! Or the oil from the liver of a Cureall? "

Karen's tongue would have shriveled up at just the thought, but somehow a belch slipped out instead. "S'cuse me."

"There is _one _cure that Won told me about." Ann looked at Karen uncertainly.

"Oh, this oughta be good. Did he advertise it as Won's Super Amazing Heavenly Sparkling Hangover Cure or something?"

"Super _Incredible _Heavenly Sparkling Cure, actually. But never mind _that, _it's absolute bull anyway." The redhead shrugged and turned around, if only to conceal the smirk now playing on her lips. She knew she had her nice and hooked.

"_TELL ME." _

"Weeeell… Alright - If only because I'm a sucker for old wives' tales and I'd really like to confirm whether or not this one's the real deal. Apparently,_ a fool _proof way to get over a hangover is to plant your lovely lips on those of a pure, untainted, immaculate maiden."

Ann wasn't stupid. It was more than likely that Won had come up with this sham of a remedy to troll for some form of … entertainment. And, if she were to be honest, that's exactly what she was doing now, but not as a remedy for horniness, as Won likely meant it to be, but more as a remedy for her current bout of boredom. Plus, Hungover Karen ranked right underneath Full Out Wasted Karen on the charter of who, in Mineral Town, was most fun to exploit for one's own amusement. They took up spots number one and two respectively.

"A pure, untainted maiden…" Karen's head suffered another pang of pain before her mind was made up. She shakily got to her feet.


	12. 12 Remedy, ii

(12) Remedy, ii

"Dad!" Ann called as she went to find some shoes, "I'm taking my lunch break now!"

"Where are you going? Aren't you going to eat here?"

"Oh yeah, I'll come back and eat, I just have to go find a virgin for Karen to make out with so she can get over her hangover!"

"Alrighty hon. Be back soon."

Ann silpped on her sneakers and – quite literally – pulled Karen out of her seat.

"Your dad is… eerily understanding, Ann. Couldn't you have just told him that you had an errand to run or something?" the sheepish Karen inquired.

"Nah, he says he can feel it in his moustache when someone's lying to him."

"In his... moustache...?"

The conversation met its end on that cryptic note as Ann took several strides ahead of Karen, who was deterred by her hangover and, well, the sun being directly overhead.

"Ann, the sun is a butt."

"Sure, Karen."

"A hot butt."

"Uh, yeah, sure."

"Also... I think I forgot to put my shoes on."

"..."

It was a while before the girls managed to make it to the library.

###

"Oh, who is it?" called a voice from above.

Completely bewildered by the concept of second floors, Karen spun around wildly. "Ann, did you hear that? Are we communing with the Harvest Goddess?"

"Karen, stop being drunk," she deadpanned in reply.

"Isn't that what you were trying to help me with?" Karen allowed herself a half-second of pride at raising what she felt was a valid point. Ann hushed her.

The octagonal library consisted of two floors, a staircase in the center connecting the two, and all of the walls were lined with bookshelves in varying states of dustiness. Mary, the librarian the girls had set out to find, leaned against a railing on the second floor and smiled down on them, her square glasses reflecting the light above her. 

"I'd… appreciate it if inebriation was kept to the bar, if that's quite alright. I, er, wouldn't be able to permit it in the library."

"I'm not drunk!" declared the blonde, "I mean, not technically. S'just a hangover."

"Ah. Were you prompted to the library in search of some solitude and quiet?" the glimmer in Mary's eyes suggested a profound amount of understanding, and Karen felt slightly guilty for what they were about to spring on her.

"I'd say 'solitude' is quite the opposite of what we're lookin' for, hon." Ann's grin looked entirely too familiar and Karen had to take a few seconds before she could place it – she realized that it was almost identical to the kind her cat wore prior to jumping a mouse.

"Now Mary,_ don't_ freak out," – Karen was starting to see how this _may _have been a crazy idea -, "But we've got a proposal, and it's for a good cause. Y'wanna help?"

Tentatively, Mary removed her arms from the railing and took a few steps down the staircase towards them, her thick black braid falling to her side as she did so.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt. It's for a good cause, you say?"

"Right. Okay, so, we have a little _request_."

And now to gauge her reaction.


	13. 13 Remedy, iii

(13) Remedy, iii

The colour fled from her face, her eyes widened until the white overtook the pupils, she stopped in her tracks and fell over backwards, her head burst like a three-week old watermelon, and demons erupted from her chest to ferry Karen and Ann off to the underworld for their heinous advances.

Okay, none of that actually happened, and Karen had to admit she was slightly disappointed.

"A… _virginal kiss?_" repeated Mary, as if getting a taste for the words.

It hadn't hit Karen until then how their request could potentially be insulting – I mean, it was an assumption, and a rather large one, to make about a teenaged girl.

"Mhm! We read about it, it's apparently a little-known but incredibly potent cure for a hangover!"

"Read about it? Didn't you hear it from—" Ann aimed an elbow in Karen's direction but Karen's own wobbliness saved her from both the pain and having to finish her sentence. It didn't take long for her to catch on, anyway – Ann's angle was understandable. To the girl who essentially read and wrote books every waking hour, _of course _this plan would sound a touch more credible if it _came _from a book.

"I've… never _heard _of such a thing," Mary says, and it's up for debate whether the scandalized tone in her voice was due to the task itself, or the fact that there may have been a book she had yet to pick up. Probably the latter, Karen decided. "And didn't you say this was for a good cause?"

"It is!" Ann clapped her hands together, having entirely too much fun, "I mean, it's a cure that's barely been explored, right? We're doing this for science. Maybe they'll even name the cure after you!"

"And I'm sorry, b-but what makes you think my lips are… well, 'pure', as you put it?" Coming from any other girl, these words may have come out laced with venom, but in Mary's delicate stammers, it sounded like just another question.

Finally, Ann didn't have an answer concocted. "Uh…"

"Didn't think of that, didya?" chirped Karen.

Practically speaking, Mineral Town was _not_ the place to go in search of an eligible bachelor. Either all the men were older and taken, or were as good as, such as in the case of Rick. Even then, The Doctor would sooner marry his stethoscope than find a wife, Carter was strictly sworn to the Goddess, the newcomer Cliff seemed to flinch whenever approached by a female (or maybe this was just Karen), Popuri's boyfriend Kai was both taken and in town so irregularly he could hardly be called a villager, and all that left, really, was Gray, the blacksmith's grandson who seemed to find romance about appealing as Karen found sobriety.

Clearly having come to all of the same conclusions, Ann followed up with, "Well, who's the lucky dog, then?"

"Oh Goddess, it must have been ages ago…"

Oh, that explains it. A childhood peck, no doubt.

"About a month ago, Zack –" Mary began, and Karen spat out non-existent wine, "Well, h-he was delivering a shipment of boxes, and lagged behind under the pretense of wanting to help shelve them, and – well, one thing lead to another, and… we, we may have ki…"

The shade of Mary's face – red enough to rival the village's highest quality tomato – finished the story sufficiently.

"Zack… Uh, wow… Y'know, isn't he quite a bit older…?"

Mary could do nothing but clutch her face in her hands like a bomb about to go off.

"Well, that settles that then…" Karen said with a stretch.

"B-But, before that," Mary seemed to be talking more to the floor than to them now at this point, "Gray would lounge around the library every day off he had, reading the same book each and every time, thinking I wouldn't notice, and when I brought it up, he… well, he confessed th-that…"

Karen blanched. Gray? Confessing? Heck, she might just have to give up drinking now to avoid being upstaged like that.

(This was not going to happen.)

"And – And the new boy… Clint? No, Cliff… He, um, he was borrowing some books on travel, always enquiring about the villages nearby, until I… I plucked up the courage to ask why he wanted to leave, and he told me he barely had a friend here and I… Well, I offered my company and…"

It was Ann's turn to blanch. "You… and Cliff…?"

"It was j-just a kiss! He was telling me about how in some villages, m-many people kiss as a form of greeting!"

Ann looked faint. And yet, the onslaught wasn't over.

"… Which supported the claim that Kai had made last summer, when he was in here grabbing a few cook books… He, um, told me that in his hometown many people k… kissed like that." The librarian's hands shook as she spoke, either with passion or embarrassment or Goddess-knows-what, no one was sure.

"I… I think I may need to sit down." Ann's voice was suddenly quite hoarse for such a hot summer day.

"Th-There are some chairs by the table, if those'll do!"

"Shut up, Mary."

"Y-Yes. Sorry."

Ann was no longer bored, at the very least.

**/Author's Note: **And that wraps up this arc! Onto the next bit of (undoubtedly alcohol-related) fun! **End Author's Note/**


	14. 14 Spider

(14) Spider

"So did _you _know our resident four-eyed librarian was so… _popular_?"

Karen was, of course, referring to the recent revelation of Mary's numerous exploits with the opposite sex. Elli put down her lemonade and raked her chestnut-colored hair, "My, word does get around! Ann's already informed me, I'm afraid."

"Drat, that was the juiciest bit of gossip I had. What else are we silly little girls going to talk about now?" teased Karen, and the two enjoyed a good-natured laugh. "…But really, I have nothing else to talk about."

Wednesday had brought the two girls together once again, the Doctor having 'let Elli out of her cage', as Karen had put it. Opting for fresh air, the scent of flowers, and doom-inducing UV rays, the two of them had decided to sit out in the front for their usual excursion to Doug's Place.

"It's just so shocking! I mean, we barely see her, she's all shy and reserved, she's all cooped up in that dusty library, and yet she's… she's gotten way more action than me!" By the sound of it, this was a crime with no chance of redemption.

"In her defense, it seems more like the _men _flock to _her. _She's not some panthress out on a manhunt." As amusing as the mental image was.

"Yeah, you're right… She's… less a panthress, more a… a spider. Luring men into her web with her bookishness and goofy glasses and '_I'm-So-Innocent-Teehee' _persona!"

"Goodness," Elli said with as much of a drawl as was possible when you're Elli, "You'd think the Chastity Mole would be all over this. I guess he's scared of spiders, hm?"

"I – I know! He's totally dropping the ball here!" exclaimed Karen, the sarcasm going right over her head.

Before Karen's ravings could continue, their conversation is interrupted by the topic-of-the-day herself appearing, as Mary appears at the nearest street corner and seems to be walking towards them, deep in conversation with a gentleman whose face is not entirely visible.

"There! She's at it again! How does she do it?"

Elli twists around in her seat to get a better look as subtly as she can."Don't be rash, dummy. That's just her dad."

"Her dad wears a hat!" contests Karen.

"Surely he can't _always _be wearing a hat, Karen. I mean, that's just unrealistic."

"_He always wears hats!"_

"Of course, and the Doctor never removes… his… head mirror…"

Except Elli's argument is deflated almost instantly as the man Mary is speaking to looks up and confirms that the Doctor does, indeed, remove his head mirror, from time to time. Specifically, when he seems to be on a date.

"Isn't that…" Karen starts, but her question goes unfinished once the two girls witness the librarian stepping up on the ends of her toes to plant a kiss on the Doctor's reddening cheek. "Welp."

Turning herself back around, face devoid of any real colour and lips being pursed so furiously she may as well not have any, Elli exchanges disbelieving looks with the girl in front of her.

"So…" she says finally, her voice strained, "This Chastity Mole of yours, does it work on commission?"


	15. 15 Weeds

(15) Weeds

"What would you saysummer _is _to you, Karen?" asked Popuri on a day that the two were up in the hills harvesting bamboo shoots. She played with a picked dandelion daintily in her fingers before blowing off the spores, and the whole scene would've looked wonderfully cinematic if the wind didn't send them right back in her face, causing her to cough and sputter.

Snapping off a shoot and shoving it into her rucksack with the others, Karen gave Popuri a few seconds to spit out the fluff before answering: "I dunno. A cold beer, topless guys, the beach, the sun… I'm pretty sure those are all universal favourites when it comes to summer, though. Why?"

"Dandelions always remind me of summer, actually. Sure, there are all_ those _things too, but I think the dandelions and Kai are my favourite things about summer."

This hadn't been what Karen had asked, but she nodded along anyway, once again mystified by her best friend's appreciation of, well, weeds. Nature's pubic hair, as a crass Jack had once called them. But Popuri always had a weird thing about flowers, and even _non-_flowers, which Karen would never get. Something about them calmed and comforted her, ever since they were children. It was silly, yes, but that was the kind of opinion one doesn't give voice to.

"Well, _Kai _makes a mean snowcone, so I can see what you'd keep him around for," She half-joked, "And I thought you were more into those Pink Cat flowers?" The plant in question had sprouted all over the hill, and Karen could spot several of the bell-shaped blossoms from where she stood.

"Yeah, I like those too, of course. But there's something about dandelions… They're so, like, unappreciated! And each one matures so quickly and transforms and all the little seedlings come out – I always feel like it's something special whenever I see one, knowing that overnight it could be carried away on the wind!"

It was as close as someone like Popuri would come to deep thinking. It was nice and all, but Karen _still _thought they were just weeds.

Popuri spread out her arms and let herself collapse in a patch brimming with the yellow and white weeds.

"C'mon, Popo, if your mom wants to make this bamboo shoot salad we _both _gotta bust our asses." It was a rare sight when _Karen _was doing work and whoever she happened to be with was on the receiving end of a lecture. Realizing this and deciding to do the universe a solid by keeping it from imploding, she added, "…But we could use a break." They'd been up here since morning, and bamboo shoots weren't terribly common by this point in summer.

"I'm getting it in my hair…" grumbled Popuri, her pink locks flecked with white seedlings.

Karen's mother had always called them 'Old Lady's Hair', and this thought coupled with her best friend assaulting her long hair with her fingers in an attempt to claw out the tiny bits of fluff was enough for Karen to find herself smiling. Of course, Popuri would _freak _if someone even _implied _that she was old.

"Here, you dummy." Karen knelt down and lent her fingers to the cause and soon Popuri's hair was once again a seamless sheet of pink. "Still your favourite part of summer?"

"Yeah," she giggled, "C'mon, at least appreciate them while they're still here!"

"Yeah…" Karen replied, "I guess you're right. They mature so quickly."


	16. 16 Church

(16) Church

If there was ever a more perfect day to skip out on Church, Karen felt like it had to be today. Well, that wasn't entirely true: _any _day was a perfect day to skip out on Church as far as Karen was concerned. However, this Sunday in particular was hot and humid and sticky and being stuck in a church with half of Mineral Town cooped up like hens was about the last thing she wanted to deal with.

Worse yet, she was stuck in her long black pants and a white blouse, an get-up she had begin to regard as the Goddess' own prison attire. Her protests had fallen on deaf ears, and she couldn't see _why _– in any art depicting the benevolent _'Harvest Goddess', _her attire was _anything _but modest. She was practically wearing a swimsuit, the vixen! Pointing this out only earned her a frigid glare from her Mother, but Karen mentally decided that she was in the right and that the Goddess would totally agree and would totally split a beer with her .

One day she'd become the Pope and show her mother what's what. One day.

Karen was distracted from her papal fantasies by the slinking form of Cliff slipping into the church, late, and _severely _underdressed. Though, in his defense, 'late' wasn't entirely accurate, as the service had only started five minutes ago – it just _felt _like much, much longer. And as for the clothes… well, whatever his story was, it didn't seem like he had come to the village with anything more than the earthy fur-hemmed vest on his back.

No one took notice as the young boy peered from side to side, trying to find an empty seat. It wasn't long before he caught Karen's eyes, saw that it was only her and her family occupying an entire pew, flinched, and turned away as if he never saw it.

And this was when Karen's blood started boiling – just what she needed, when the _rest _of her body was doing just the same. The _flinch! Always the flinch! _Sure, he can put the moves on _Mary, _can spend nights at the Inn laughing it up with _Ann, _but so much as laying his _eyes _on Karen seemed to be too much for him to handle. _It made no sense! _The two had barely ever spoken!

Having found a place a few pews ahead, sitting next to the elderly rancher Barley, Karen hoped that she could generate enough ire in her pointed glare directed at the back of his head to set his hair on fire. Then again, even if it _had _worked, he probably wouldn't have been able to tell anyway given the temperature in the small church.

Cliff hadn't bothered to close the doors as they were open to begin with, letting in the warm breeze that really did very little to alleviate anyone's discomfort. For the second time that morning, someone slipped through them and began whipping his head around.

_Oh no, Oh no no no, Please don't let him sit here, No no no! _

Jack had wondered in, still dirty, no doubt, from his morning chores out on the field.

Karen's mind had taken to instinctively formulating sly plans of escape every time he entered her field of vision, but in the middle of church her brain had nothing to give her. There was little Karen wanted to do with Jack now that she had an inkling – to put it lightly – that he was romantically interested in her. It just wasn't a thing she wanted to deal with.

And naturally, he homed in on her like a moth to a flame. Giving her a cheery wave – a little _too _cheery – that she could only half-heartedly return. Luckily the presence of her parents made it hard for him to, well, _try _anything, but the way his knee occasionally bumped into hers (Nevermind, the long pants _were totally worth it) _and his ceaseless attempts at trying to catch her eye were intrusive enough.

One boy was totally ignoring her, and one wouldn't leave her alone, and both annoyed her to the point where focusing in Church just wasn't an option. If the Harvest Goddess ' religion had anything akin to hell in it, Karen had a suspicion that between this and her plans to go down a six-pack as soon as she possibly could, the day's hot weather was just preparation for the inevitable.


	17. 17 Invasion

(17) Invasion

It started the day after the rain.

A heavy downpour came over the town, ending as quickly as it started, as if the whole thing had come from one single – albeit huge - cloud passing over. The earth was dampened and the town cooled, the farmer and his crops rejoiced while the rancher with his animals cursed. It was a welcome breach in the seemingly endless stretch of heat that had overwhelmed the village as of late.

Then it passed, and the sun returned with a flourish. Still, the rain had given them a few days of escape from the dryness. A crisp wind cut through the streets and the plants about town looked perkier and the grass was working hard to retain its shade of viridian rather than wilting in a brownish shade of defeat.

But the rain had done some harm. It had flooded homes, villages, entire colonies, forcing its inhabitants out into the streets in a rabid onslaught of feral aggression, the kind one only experiences when driven by desperation and the need to survive.

This is what brings us to the battle currently raging within the walls of one of the land's oldest bastions; a building of such monumental size, its assailants are lost almost as soon as they enter it.

_We _are the last line of defense. There have been deserters, as with every battle of this caliber, and this time it's entirely up to us. My partner is a skilled hunter, barely human, preferring to travel on all fours and with teeth sharpened into points. More animal than man. He snarls at the opening, the very place where the enemy pours in from. I, myself am armed with a combat staff; one might find it meager, but I can inflict just as much damage as is necessary with it.

The enemy will not need an arrow through the skull or a blade to the heart, blunt force will do the trick. I turn to my partner, and have only enough time to see his pupils contract in an almost cat-like manner, and then we are awash in enemies. The next wave has come.

I feel legions of shining, black eyes turn on me, sending shivers down my spine as I gaze back into their impenetrable, expressionless orbs. They approach with every passing second and it's all I can do to hold my staff up before the first one flings itself at me, and the second, and the third. The battle rages against a soundtrack of endless clicking – these beasts haven't much to say as they attempt to secure our land.

All I can think of is _legs. _There are _so many legs. _Each of these creatures waves a total of six at me as I fight them off, waving my staff around with as much strength as I can force into each swing. It doesn't take much to fell them; they are poorly armed and rely on their numerous limbs and – what _are _those clicking things? Mandibles? – to deal any lasting damage. Which they do, but their true power comes in their _sheer numbers. _For every one I strike down, I am immediately up against whatever was behind it, eager to take its place. This will be a long battle, like all the others, and I pray my stamina holds out.

My partner leaps from target to target, agile and limber and graceful enough to strike down several at a time while not suffering a scratch himself. I'm in awe of his limbs, capable of propelling him so high into the air, coming crashing down on our opponents with all the force of a rogue boulder. The enemy's slender bodies snap under the pressure, and there are horrible moments where they continue to struggle, six limbs waving independently despite no longer being part of a whole body.

It's sickening, I think grimly, but for the greater good. They are closing in on us now, the attacks are relentless, and I've come to the realization that this melee combat won't be able to stymie them for much longer. They have the upper edge – they've _always _had the upper edge – because of sheer numbers.

And so I reach into my belt and pull out my last resort. I brandish the gun in front of me, lining it up with the next wave about to overwhelm us. My partner gives me a frightened look and backs away slowly, never having liked this particular weapon. _Sorry, _I apologize mentally to him, _but this is how it has to be. _

Both my hands are trembling as I wrap my fingers around the trigger. I don't know what exactly is in this – a kind of acid? Petrol? Venom? Whatever it is, whenever I use it we're guaranteed a victory. I can't feel it, but I just know beads of sweat are making their way down my face as I stand there, hundreds of pairs of eyes locked on me, mandibles clicking in a frenzy, _Goddess-knows how many legs charging at me. _

And then I hear a voice from somewhere far off.

"_Karen!"_

…

"Karen, why are you playing with my cleaning stuff _again_? Put the broom back, and don't go around spraying that cleaning solution everywhere! You _know _Gauguin can't stand that stuff!" my mother says angrily, gesturing to our cat backed away against the wall and peering suspiciously at the bottle in my hand.

"And get up! I got some of that spackle to seal up the holes in your window sill. Those ants have been getting into everything. We've got to take care of them."

I toss the broom aside and place the bottle of cleaning solution on my desk, getting up off the floor and snatching the spackle from my mother's hands.

"I _was _taking care of them!"


	18. 18 Hunting

(18) Hunting

"Parsley!"

"Hm? Oh, Hello Karen. No, parsley doesn't grow around here, but that's not a bad guess!"

Mary's dad – Karen could have _sworn _his name was Parsley, but given his confusion, apparently it wasn't – was crouched over by a formation of large rocks, magnifying glass in hand. The older man had on his usual feathered hunter's cap (for he called himself a 'plant hunter') and a large hiking bag, filled no doubt with encyclopedias and diagrams and … other… plant hunter stuff? No, Karen really had no idea. She had a feeling he really only wore it to look impressive.

He eyed the long strands of dirty blonde hair entering his field of vision "Nice day for a swim, isn't it?" he asked cheerily,– and that's exactly what it was. Karen had been up in the hills again, soaking in the lake and baking under the sun all at once. It must be… Monday? Maybe? Her sense of time was never good, but during the seemingly endless days of summer, it was downright defective. But Mondays usually brought the plant hunter up into the hills at around this time, to the point where the two were quite familiar with each other.

"Yep! Nice day for…" Staring at inanimate flora like a loony? " - … plant-hunting, huh?"

"You bet! Though I'm actually running an errand for Duke, today." There was an unmistakable hint of pride in his voice.

Duke was, of course, the town's resident wine-maker and the only person in Mineral Town who could hold his own against Karen in their provincial sport of … well, drinking.

"What's Duke after?" Karen asked, genuinely curious.

"Herbs, of course!" he laughed, as if to say, _Why else would anyone come to me? _And that was a fairly good question, really.

"Herbs? For what?" It was probably something medical, since Duke was _old _and what did _old_ people need with anything unless it alleviated fatigue or eased the pain in their joints or kept their teeth in place?

The herbologist gave the teen a look of faint surprise, as if it might be obvious. "I was certain _you'd _know, if anyone."

Know? Know what? Why would _Karen _know anything that had to do with Duke and herbs? The only thing they had in common was their predilection for the booze. Unless…

"Duke very often likes to infuse his wines with herbs!" he informed Karen, "They've been used for centuries to counteract the taste of the sweeter brews."

"Holy crap! You can make _wine _out of those weeds?" Karen always had a much more eloquent way of putting things. Mary's dad – the name _still _escaped her – gave the herbs he was just studying an uneasy glance, as if apologizing to them on Karen's behalf for her crudeness.

"Again, most people use it to strike a balance in the taste. Lemon balm tends to be popular – or the _Melissa Officinalis, _as its official name goes. Sage is a great addition, and common too. That'd be _Salvia Officinalis, _of course."

There was no doubt that Mary had inherited her father's compulsive need to memorize every textbook she laid eyes upon, even though his chestnut brown hair and tanner complexion seemed to have been lost to the gene whirlpool.

"Chamomile and orange zest go wonderfully together in a wine! Mm, that's my personal favourite. Oh, or you really can't go wrong with a fresh cup of dandelion wine!"

"You can make wine out of those things?"Darn, Karen might just have to take back some of the flak she had given Popuri for being such a dandelion enthusiast.

"Oh, definitely. Really, herbs and wines go hand in hand."

"Even, say… Rosemary?" Karen grasped for the name of a culinary herb she may have once seen when she let her eyes peruse the kitchen at home. Partly to keep the conversation going, but also because this particular branch of herbology seemed genuinely interesting.

"Yup! With raisins, it's delectable."

"And Basil?"

"Yes?"

What an odd response, Karen thought.

"…What about Basil?" she repeated, a little more clearly.

"…What _about_ me?"

_Oh. _

_Right._

_That _was his name. Fitting.


	19. 19 Kai

(19) Kai

"Bored."

"Yes, Karen, so you've informed me, _regularly, _since ya got here."

"Well, un-bore me, then! Aren't you supposed to be all about customer service here?"

Kai tossed a mop over the counter Karen was currently seated at and – luckily enough – she caught it. "Here. Y'wanna do something? Help me get this place cleaned up."

"_Maaan!" _Lifting herself off the stool that was too uncomfortable anyway, Karen got to her feet and stretched with a flourish. "I s'pose I can oblige, I just don't see why you'd wanna spend your one day off like _this._"

Kai was on all fours behind the counter, wearing his grimiest t-shirt and khaki shorts, purple bandana fastened as always on his head, scrubbing away at floor of his Snack Shack inch by inch. Without looking up, he said, "I've got a business, dude. If you're gonna stick around on my _'one day off', _either put those Supermarket clerk skills to work and get cleanin', or buzz off."

_Right. _Supermarket clerk skills. The kind Karen might have acquired if she didn't steal packets of chips and hide out in the backroom whenever her parents instigated some kind of cleaning day. Those would be pretty useful, sure.

"I really don't see the appeal in runnin' your own place."

"Money, mainly, plus it's pretty chill. No one to tell you what to do, no one to answer to, no flaky employees to deal with. I couldn't _stand _spending my summers doin' nothing back in my hometown."

And this was when Karen began to worry that her dear friend may have some kind of mental condition. "Ugh, I could _not _disagree more. Summer and doing nothing go together like… like beer and french fries!"

"If I followed that philosophy, you wouldn't _have _any beer and french fries."

Damn, Kai _did _make the best french fries. She'd have to admit defeat on this point.

"It wouldn't hurt _you _to have a little more structure in your life, Kar'. I mean, have ya ever considered maybe getting a job that—"

"I _have _a job!"

Karen's indignation was met with a snort from Kai. Which, okay, was pretty fair, given that Karen's 'job' was laughably lenient. This was mostly accounted for by the fact that though she technically worked with both her parents, it was her pushover of a father who supervised most of the time.

Still, it suited her needs perfectly. What kind of other job out there would do that? Karen supposed it'd have to be something easy, well-paying, not _too _strenuous but not _too _boring, her boss would have to be easy to get along with, she'd have to be allowed to eat while on the job – oh, and of course get discounts on whatever it was they were selling. _Better _than discounts, actually – she deserved everything free of charge for lending her efforts to an enterprise! Also it would have to be a place where she could have access to alcohol. And food. French fries, specifically. And then it hits her.

"_Well, _Mr. Kai." She swung the mop to the floor, holding it in as impressive a pose as she could manage, "If you're so determined to get me _employed, _I'm sure you must have _some _kind of suggestion on where I could… _apply._"

Kai's head pops up from behind the counter with a look on his face that tells all, and Karen knew her point had been made. Kai is suddenly very sorry he even breached the topic.

"You're going to make me regret this, aren't ya?"


	20. 20 Porch

(20) Porch

It was just that perfect kind of summer night.

Millions of stars spread out in every direction, the sky feeling dizzyingly busy. Dozens of cans, both of soda and beer, kept fresh in the cooler. Six friends, each free for the night, some tipsy and some not, but all having such a good time that the line seemed to blur anyway. Two couples – or at least, two established ones. One bonfire out on the Beach roasting fish and clams and corn on the cob. A quarter of a moon still shining brightly. Zero clouds in the sky.

And yet it was the kind of night that would produce hundreds of memories.

"Kai! Grab her feet! We gotta send Karen out to seeeea!" No one knew if Ann was actually drunk or just having such a good time that making sense had dropped several spots on her list of priorities. Kai stood on the porch to his snack shack while the others – Rick, Cliff, and Popuri – lounged on the beach chairs as they watched the spectacle before them. Ann was dragging a dazed Karen around in the sand and trying to enact her horribly unoriginal prank of tossing the drunk teenage girl into the water.

"No way dude, That's my employee now," he looked as if he had just had something extremely sour to drink as he said this, "My employee who has a _morning shift_ tomorrow. Can't have her kidnapped by pirates or somethin'."

"But aren't _yoooou _a pirate?" She managed to giggle and sound completely serious at the same time. All bets were on 'drunk' now.

Rick sat up, pressing his glasses up to his eyes, "Besides, Karen's got so much alcohol in her she'd pickle the entire ocean."

"Pickle is the funniest word I have ever heard and I will kick the crap out of anyone who says otherwise." Ann managed to deadpan, before breaking out into severe giggles and dropping Karen by the arms.

Karen – _speaking _of which – felt limp and tired and warm and content all at once. She hadn't even had _that _much to drink that night, funnily enough. She let Ann let go of her and rolled around in the sand for a bit, which was warm to the touch and soft as Gauguin. Well, that was the softest thing that came to mind at the moment, anyway. Her rolling eventually came to a stop and she found herself on her back, the large sky above her. She could hear the fire crackling a few feet away and in the other direction she heard her friends and in another direction she heard the ocean, the waves lazily lapping against the shore. Just then, she sighed.

It was just a genuine feeling of happiness. And it was good.

"What about youuuu Cliff? You've got the hots for me, right? Come be my man-slave and – _Where'd she go?" _Ann spun around wildly on the spot, apparently having forgotten that she had let go of Karen moments earlier. Without taking the time to gauge Cliff's reaction at the impromptu acknowledgment of his feelings, Ann dove to the ground and tackled Karen, sending them both laughing into the sand.

"Ann I am going to have sand in my butt for weeks and you are going to personally clean out each and every one I SWEAR THIS TO THE HOLY GODDESS –"

Laughter.

Sand was in her mouth, her pants, her _nose._

But laughter was in her ears.

**/Author's Note: **Hooray, 20 chapters! Hope you've been enjoying these so far. The reviews have been appreciated – I love to hear what you guys think about these pieces. Thanks for reading so far! **End Author's Note/**


	21. 21 Onions

**/Author's Note: **With warmer weather comes the impetus to write more LiaWB! So here's the 21st installment of our drunken little drabble series. Enjoy! **End Author's Note/**

(21) Onions

"Greeti – Oh. Who are _you?_" someone asked as they entered, addressing Karen, who was slumped over the counter of the Snack Shack with her arms limp. "…And are you alright?"

"Kai's not here, come back later," she grumbled, pressing her face against the warm chipped paint of the counter. "Or, wait, I work here now, don't I? Dammit." Mustering strength from the very bottom of her energy reserves, Karen lifted her head and the mass of dirty-blonde hair with it.

"Ah, Karen," said the customer in the funny hat. Alright, his _name_ was _Won, _but his hat _was _funny. So distracted was she by his multi-coloured hat, Karen didn't notice the snide grin unfolding on his features. "I see you've joined the world of the, er… _employed._"

"I was _always _employed!" It was getting tiring making the distinction – but Karen couldn't blame people for thinking otherwise: Her presence at the Supermarket had about as much an impact as Gauguin's.

"It suits you," said Won, his narrow eyes twinkling behind his shades. "You were beautiful before, but now – now you've grown into a radiant woman; you've matured in _all _the right places, my dear."

"And _you're _still a giant yellow creep!" Karen flashed him two thumbs up to accompany her cheery tone. "Really, Won, - and I never thought I'd say this – your undying affection for me _is_ getting old. Kinda like you. Y'know. 'Cause you're old."

"You _wound _me!" cried the salesman dramatically, clutching his chest underneath his ridiculous yellow coat, "To be the target of such piercing words, straight from the tongue of Mineral Town's most bodacious beauty…!"

"Come _oooon!_" Karen groaned and wrung her hands, "Can't you hit on someone your own age for once? Like, Ellen? I'm gonna need a friggin' claymore to beat off all my admirers!" But there was, naturally, a fraction of her young heart that enjoyed it. A _tiny _fraction. "What did you come here for anyway? Aside from harassing me?"

Won stepped forward, making the suitcase in his hand noticeable. He positioned it flat down on the counter. "I had struck up a deal with Mr. Kai, you see." And he unlocked the suitcase. Opening it revealed a supply of outstandingly average onions. "Mr. Kai believes that his world-famous onion rings deserve only the best! And so, I happily present _my _world-famous Deluxe Delectable Exquisite Savory Onions. They're truly the highest of high quality vegetables, and they've been imported from lands you wouldn't have even heard of, my dear girl!"

"They literally look like… onions to me. Plain ol' smelly onions."

"Touch one, feel the texture! Go ahead!"

She reached for an onion, palmed it, and … Hell, she had no idea how to tell if it was a Deluxe Divine Expensive whatever onion or not. And, frankly, she felt sorry for the individual who could.

"Now, Mr. Kai and I had set up a fixed price beforehand, _however – _"

Here it comes.

"- Since I'm a dealing with a much fairer, resplendent client," he paused to give Karen a charming grin, "I think I'd be willing to drop the price. But _only _for you, my dear."

"Aw, Won! That's so sweet of you!" If she was going to get hit on, she might as well reap some kind of reward. Even if that reward was… well, Dumb Escargo Onions – or whatever.

The salesman continued shrewdly, "Of _course, _I _am _a businessman! I couldn't _possibly _make such a deal without walking away with _something. _Now, this may not be the most lucrative venture, but if you'd like, my dear Karen, I'd gladly leave you this batch of Deluxe Delectable Exquisite Savory Onions if you'd agree to accompany me on, what you might call, a _date—_"

Yeah, no. There it was.

"That's certainly _an _idea!" Karen said brightly, tossing the onion up in the air and catching it with one hand. "_Or _I could, like, rub these onions in one or all of your four eyes." Throw, catch. Throw, catch. Won blanched, then backed away slowly.

Karen waved him a jovial goodbye. At least he had a funny hat.

* * *

"Anyone pass by while I was out?" Kai asked, walking in with the sunlight flooding behind him. He dropped some bags of groceries on the nearest table, and looked over at his employee, only to find her leisurely flipping through a magazine.

"Nah, no one interesting."

"Did you scare away any of my customers today?" he half-joked with a half-grin on his face.

"Just the ones who tried t'win my heart with ridiculous acts of affection. You know, the usual."

"Haha, gotcha. Hey, where'd those onions come from?"

Karen beamed. "I picked 'em up for you while you were out! Am I employee-of-the-month material or what? They're some special brand – Disastrous Experimental Something-or-other onions. Didn't quite catch the name."

Kai paused and gave his co-worker a scrutinizing glance. Maybe Karen was starting to take this job seriously after all.


	22. 22 Zack

(22) Zack

Sitting in front of her vanity, Popuri put her slender fingers to her pink face and pulled on her skin, right underneath her eyes. It made her look ghastly, if Karen was being honest. And when was Karen ever _not _honest?

"Can you stop playing with your… face? I wanna go up to the mountain or the lake or something." Karen asked tentatively, sprawled out on her best friend's bed, fanning away the summer heat with one of Popuri's novels. What _did _Pope readanyway? She stopped fanning herself for a moment and glanced at the cover before retching; something to do with vampires and sparkles and _ew. _Some curiosities should not be satisfied.

"I'm getting _old, _Karen!" lamented the rose-haired girl with a dramatic flourish that was all-too unnecessary.

"Your choice in literature would suggest otherwise…" Karen muttered. But she probably wasn't one to talk – most of what made up _Karen's _literary tastes were the backs of cereal boxes and the 'fun facts' you unroll out of novelty gum packs. …They were… _educational!_

"Seriously… Bags under my eyes, my cheeks are getting duller, and I think my hairline is receding! This is serious, serious, _serious _stuff!"

Karen rolled her eyes. She _seriously _rolled them. "You're _fine, _Pope. You take better care of your skin than anyone in town! Really! … Except maybe Harris, but I think he's just got crippling self-esteem issues. Or something." Boredom had driven her to flipping through the lewd teenage smut she had been fanning herself with. "Besides," she continued, "You've got good genes. Look at your mother, the two of you could pass as sisters!"

"W-What?!"

"Because she's so young looking! Not because –"

"You think I look _middle-aged?! _Karen," she was on the verge of hyperventilating, "You did _not _just imply that I look _middle-aged._"

"Th-That's not at all what I meant, Popuri! Although, if we're being honest here, this little fit is _kind _of along the lines of a mid-life crisis. Just sayin'."

And Popuri _had _these little mid-life crises at least two or three times a year. It was becoming routine. Karen could sympathize. Maybe. A little. A tiny bit. Well, okay, no, a girl who drank her health away on a daily basis and was developing a (well-concealed, mind you!) beer gut that could rival a middle-aged man's really _couldn't _sympathize with this particular plight. Alas.

Eyes swimming with tears and mouth open in a silent scream, Popuri turned away from her best friend and back to her vanity, about to apply more lotion when a gruff voice could be heard from downstairs.

"Hey, ding-dong," Karen said lazily, "Someone's at your door. Wanna get it? If you can bear to show your face?"

Popuri shot off of her stool, gave Karen an affronted look, and with her shoulders tensed, left her bedroom to greet the guest. The blonde rolled off her friend's bed and … well, continued rolling to the door, and out of it, eventually ending up on the landing with her head hanging off the staircase, giving her a perfect view of the encounter about to unfold.

"Ah, Lill- Oh, uh, hey Popuri!" said the manly baritone of Zack, the bronzed shipper.

"Hello Zack," Popuri said, with a hefty sigh, as if this plebeian couldn't possibly even imagine the hardships her highness went through on a daily basis.

"I've, uh, got that chicken feed y'guys ordered. Just lettin' you know I left it in the coop out there."

"Thank you…" she said drearily, not bothering to invite him in.

"Is your … uh… your mom, y'know… Is she uh – in? Inside? In there? In, you know, your house?" he tried to avoid sticking his beefy neck in to observe for himself, but the darting eyeballs in his sockets betrayed his composure.

Popuri had her eyes on her shoes and her hands behind her back, "No, I'm sorry. Mother's out at an appointment with the Doctor."

Zack chuckled, baring all of his radiant front teeth. He placed a muscled hand behind his head, "Ah, gotcha. Sorry 'bout that, by the way – when you came down those stairs all dolled up, you looked just like your mother! You're really growing into a beautiful young woman, Popuri!"

Oh, no. Karen grit her teeth, bracing for impact. Zack had done it now. She resisted the urge to yell a warning.

"Zack…"

"Anyway, I'd better be off, but nice seein' you!"

"_How DARE you imply that I –"_

"HEY, Zack, Hey!" Karen leapt to her feet and bounded down the stairs. She always knew she'd have to be a superhero one day. "Come on, Popuri, don't chat his ear off all day, Zack's a busy man! He doesn't have time to waste! And time is money, and money is the root of all evil, and evil has to be vanquished – or, or something like that. However that ol' saying goes, you know. Back to the ol' grindstone, eh, Zack? Right? Right? Buh-bye, now!" And there was a very unceremonious slam of the door. But at least Zack had been saved – saved from the wrath of a teenager scorned.


	23. 23 Wanderer

(23) Wanderer

The scarlet-haired stranger had appeared out of thin air one day, one eye concealed behind a curtain of ginger and one hand on her hip. She sported a flannel vest which… was daring. In the sense that no one would _dare_ to wear something so tacky.

But Karen had left the house wearing three different socks that day (yes, three,) so she figured she wasn't exactly Mineral Town's Top Model.

"Who's the redheaded chick?" Karen asked as she approached a table at Doug's Place. Ann was seated with Cliff and Elli and the three of them seemed just as curious about the stranger. The stranger herself, of course, was seated at the bar, stirring a cocktail lazily, reading a ragged little pocket book with a devil-may-care attitude. Damn – flannel vest or not, she was unmistakably, unequivocally, undeniably, _cool. _

"Dunno," said Ann, entranced, "Showed up late last night, hasn't said much to either Dad or me." Doug wasn't one for words either, so their stoic silence over the bar counter was almost distracting to the other patrons.

"She's a wanderer… like me." Said Cliff, and Karen noted with an internal victory fanfare that it was the first time Cliff had spit out a full sentence around her. Of course, she wasn't entirely certain he even registered that she was _there, _since his eyes were also trained on the wanderer.

Elli was cutting up an egg sandwich into quarters. "Why not just go ask her about herself? Ann, isn't it your job to be amicable and welcoming and all that? Go play the hostess card."

"_Elli!_" Ann shrilled - and it was a wonder that the redhead managed to keep her concentration even with the peanut gallery behind her – "I can't just _go _up to her! She's… she's too _cool!_"

"That is ridiculous," Elli said, folding her arms over the wooden table, "She's probably only a couple years older than we are, and I'm sure she's a normal, friendly human being."

"Nah, El, I think Ann's right," Karen seated herself and helped herself to a quarter of her friend's sandwich, "There's like, a _hierarchy. _And she looks like top brass material." The nurse rolled her eyes.

Putting down her cutlery, she said with fervor, "_Fine. _Then _I'll _go strike up a conversation."

"Nononono!" Ann shook her head violently, "Don'tdon'tdon'tdon't."

"Look at us…" Cliff said dismally, "We're just country bumpkins. Country _dweebs. _What could someone as _cool _as her want with people like _us_?"

"_Again, _you're being _ridiculous._" She got to her feet. Karen grit her teeth – it was like watching a mosquito head straight for the web of a spider. Like watching a mouse scamper up to a hungry cat. Like watching a lamb wander aimlessly into the den of a lion. Then she started craving lamb chops and forgot where she was for a minute or two, but that just came with being Karen.

A slight movement from the direction of the bar made Elli freeze in her spot. It was a subtle movement. The stranger looked over her shoulder, her immaculate red hair barely moving, and she shot the group a glance with the coolest of blue eyes. It was just a glance – and lasted for all of one, maybe two seconds – but _goddess dammit, _it was _so _cool. One couldn't even read the emotion in that pool of azure.

Elli slowly slumped back into her seat. "Dammit. I can't do it. She _is _too cool."

"You know what they say," said Karen wisely, polishing off the egg sandwich, "You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs."

"How does _that _apply?"

"I don't really know, actually. I just came here for some breakfast. Hey Ann, does your dad make lamb chops?"


	24. 24 Jewels, i

(24) Jewels, i

There was something different about today. It wasn't the lake – the lake was pristine as always. The sky was chock full of clouds lazily rolling by. The wind was blowing comfortably down from the summit of Mother's Hill, carrying the various tunes of the birds. The Kappa – if it existed, which Karen still doubted – was dormant and not up to any of the mischief expected of him. No, something _else _was off.

Karen's first thought was that she had forgotten to do something important… but that couldn't be right. She wasn't skipping out on work, since this was one of her days off. Her mom hadn't asked her to run any errands in town today. She wasn't scheduled to meet someone. She didn't have a date. She wasn't on her period.

So what was it? What was poking at the back of her mind that made it impossible to enjoy what was otherwise one of her favourite pass-times: skinny-dipping in the refreshing basin of water up in the mountains?

It _was _one of the best things to do, and especially during summer. Sometimes she got Popuri to join her, rather prudently, and once she had even gotten _Rick _to join her… somewhat _more _prudently. But, exhibitionist habits aside, skinny dipping in solitude had to be the best way to do it. Cutting through the water around her in elegant twists and twirls, her hair whirling around her artfully enough to make any mermaid jealous, Karen was having the time of her life. Summer truly was the time of freedom, and it didn't get much more free than this.

…So what in the Goddess' name, then, was unsettling her so much?

It felt like she was being watched. But that was preposterous – No one in Mineral Town was _that _sleazy, were they? No, wait… Karen mentally retracted the question as a host of faces swam by in her mind. Won. Rick. Kai. Duke. _Mary _(Probably.). She covered her chest, even if whoever was peeping on her wasn't immediately visible. Whoever it was may not have even been spying on her – but, if Karen was being honest, _she'd _spy on herself skinny-dipping if she was on the other side of this situation – but she definitely felt that someone else was _here. _

Basil and the Doctor came to pick herbs – but both were in town today. Gotz came to collect lumber, but he was working on a job for Thomas. So who else…

Then, of course, it hit her. Mineral Town's newest resident loved to make use of the mountain and its bounties. Especially… Karen whipped her head around and stared at the small island right in the middle of the lake. The ominous maw of a cave could be seen in the layers of earth: the Lake Mine, known for its unrealistically bountiful store of precious metals. Every man's get-rich-quick fantasy lay within its confines, but most only took advantage of it during the winter, when the lake froze over and one could (lightly) saunter over to it.

_So of course,_ Karen thought as she heard a familiar jaunty tune being whistled from the island, _THAT idiot just had to do things his way and … what did he do, _swim _over?! How is he even going to –_

Annoyingly interrupting her thoughts, 'that idiot' appeared from the darkness of the cave's mouth, chest bare and clad in nothing but his swimming trunks. Both his arms were lovingly wrapped around a basket filled to the brim with sparkling jewels. The triumphant grin on his face needed no explanation. But, of course, one sweeping glance of his surroundings – hint: islands _tend _to be surrounded by water – and he realized his predicament.

"Oh… Hey Karen!" Jack called, "Think you could lend me a hand?"

Karen wrapped her hands even more tightly around her _own _precious cargo. This was going to be interesting.


	25. 25 Jewels, ii

(25) Jewels, ii

_How _did this always happen? _How _did she always end up topless, on the mountain, with this farmer? If such a thing as fate existed, it was a _damn _pervert. She'd shake her fist at it if that didn't involve baring herself to said farmer.

Karen enjoyed harmless flirting as much as the next voluptuous vixen, but after their last tryst in the mountain – _In which, _Karen reminded herself, _that twerp tried to kiss you! – _she was feeling less than generous with her usual lewdness. There was something much less harmless about Jack, who was clearly becoming infatuated with her. And she didn't _blame _him! She really _didn't! _It happened to _everyone! _But still: boundaries. Those were good. Yes.

She was with Rick, after all. It might not seem like it to the casual observer – heck, even Karen forgot from time to time – but that's how it was.

"I, uh… see you've got your hands full, actually," Jack remarked, eyeing the hands she had cupping her chest. _What _had she been _thinking?! _Why wasn't there like… a _non-nude _version of skinny dipping?! Oh, right, that'd just be – well, that's not important. Karen had gotten herself into this predicament, and she'd get herself out.

"Did you not realize this would happen?! What were you planning to do, swim back to shore with jewels in your mouth?"

"I got a little overzealous! It… It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

"How good is your throwing arm?"

"What –"

"Just chuck 'em over to the shore! Come on, you've got big, muscly, farmer arms! Put 'em to use!"

Jack protested. "These are _heavy, _Karen! Can't you just help me out?"

"N-No! You're on your own pal!"

"But _Kaaaaren! _I need to get these to my farm by 5 o' clock!"

She turned her back on him. "This is what you get for not thinking ahead, ding-dong!"

Visibly struggling with the weight of his basket, Jack grunted, "I _did _think ahead, though!" He paused to shift the basket slightly, "I bought a spare set of tools, brought them over one by one, and stored them in the mine so I wouldn't have to bring them back and forth all the time! I just…"

"You thought far enough ahead for _that _and called it a day, right?"

"Pretty much!"

Okay. The guy was _really _in a pickle, then. Karen felt for him, and felt immensely stupid for that. In the end, it was a question of value. What was more valuable: Karen's dignity, or Jack's almost-literal pot of gold? Her _dignity _of course! You can't put a price on dignity! And she _knew _that if he got even a glimpse, he'd take the opportunity to say something lewd or try to spin the situation to his advantage. Give a boy an inch, and they'll take a mile. He wasn't quite on Kai's level of perversion, but he _was _single, living alone, and, she assumed, _madly _in love with her. Damn her good looks. Damn them to hell and back.

"Look," Jack said, a bead of sweat gliding down his face, "I'll… I'll make it worth your while."

Karen was listening.

"I'll give you a quarter of the profits I make. And I'll be making _a lot._"

…Well damn. Things were getting more and more interesting by the minute. "I don't know, Jack…"

The farmer gave her a pleading look. "But look, if this is such an issue for you, I'll just close my eyes and you can go put your swim suit back on and meet me back here. I'll wait! With my eyes closed!"

Huh. Now _there _was an innovative idea. Suddenly it was Karen who had not been thinking. How quickly the tables turn! "Alrighty then, just give me a second to…"

But of course, Karen was fate's plaything, and fate wasn't quite done with her for today. No, of course not, it still had all sorts of sick fantasies to play out on her. Just as she turned back to shore with a whip of her golden hair, she felt her heart sink. The very bathing suit she had worn up the hill was _gone. _And she could have sworn she saw a flash of green diving into the water with something peculiar in its mouth… Could it have _actually _been the mythical Kappa of Mother's Lake? No, no, Karen, don't be silly. Kappas don't exist. She forced herself back into the real world of physics, gravity, Chastity Moles, all that stuff. She had to remain grounded, if nothing else.

So, she once again had to choose between her dignity and a nice, juicy wad of cash to fatten up her wallet with.

"…Half." She muttered.

"What?"

"_Half _your profits."

"…Fine. You'll get _half. _Can we do this now?"

As it turned out, you _can _put a price on dignity. Won always said she'd make a great businesswoman one day.


	26. 26 Chickens

(26) Chickens

The time had come, once again, for Mineral Town to indulge in one of its many, many strange traditions. Because if you're a Mineral Towner, apparently, you're either chucking tomatoes at each other or pitting chicken against chicken in a bloodless sumo match. This, friends, is culture.

Karen's mother had told her that in _her _mother's and her _mother's _mother's time, Mineral Town's cockfights were of the more barbaric variety, but legend had it that Rick & Popuri's parents – who came and opened the town's first official poultry farm – put a stop to those. Popuri wrinkled her face in embarrassment every time she imagined her mother and father picketing out in Rose Square in hippy attire, trying to save the chickens. What Karen suspected, however, was that if it ever came to it again, Popuri and Rick would do just as their parents had done. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, after all.

It was a passion she didn't quite _get_. The only chicken _Karen _felt passionately for was the kind that came deep-fried in a bucket. She didn't dare voice this, of course.

"GOOO HAWKEYE!"

"Dodge the beak, DODGE THE BEAK! Come on Kellogg, you can do it!

"Careful! The ring, THE RING!"

This family-friendly version of the Chicken Festival simply involved throwing two chickens into a sumo ring and yelling at them until one scared the other into walking out of it. Some say it takes skill and training, some think it's completely baseless and arbitrary. Then there was Rick, Popuri, and Ann, who were too busy yelling their heads off to care either way.

"Do it for the poultry farm, Kellogg! Our family's honour is at stake!" roared Rick, fist in the air. Yeah, Karen was dating this guy.

"Just do your best, Kellogg! We'll – we'll love you no matter what happens!" cried Popuri, blinking tears out of her eyes as rapidly as she could. Yeah, Karen was best friends with this girl.

Then there was Ann, who was being physically restrained from actually jumping into the ring herself and finishing the fight. At least no one could say Mineral Town wasn't passionate about its cultural hobbies, as bizarre as they were.

Karen, however, was perfectly content sitting back on a sun-baked bench in the square, a cold beer in hand. Watching her three friends and the rest of the village enjoy the festival was plenty entertaining in itself. And so what if she was dating a guy with a fervent passion for poultry?! At least he _had _passion! At least he felt strongly about something! Of course, if he started asking Karen to wear a strap-on beak to bed or something, she'd be a _little _weirded out, but everyone had their fetishes!

Cheers erupted from the crowd as one of the roosters (Kellogg, judging from the jubilant shouts of the Chicken Siblings) succeeded in scaring the other one off.

"We won, Karen, we won!" yelled the copper-haired rancher as he ran over to his girlfriend. Now _he _was holding back tears, and Karen couldn't stop a goofy grin from uncurling on her lips.

"Great job, hon!" Karen got up and stretched, accepting a peck on the cheek from Rick. "And great job to you, lil' fella!" She said as Popuri walked over, cradling the fowl in her arms. "What do you get for winning, anyway?" Money? _Prize_money? _Beer_money?!

"Hm, nothing _really, _but some people say that the rooster that proves himself to be the strongest in the village would start laying solid gold eggs!"

"What?! Are you for real? We're gonna be rich! Rich! And it's all thanks to _you!_" Karen swept Kellogg out of Popuri's arms and swung the poor thing around a couple of times, ignoring its terrified clucking and the affronted yells from both Rick and Popuri.

"Haha, Karen," Rick chuckled as he coaxed the horrified animal out of Karen's clutches, "I doubt it's true. That's just an old wives' tale. An old Mineral Town legend!"

_Of course _it was a Mineral Town legend. Only the quacks in this town could come up with something as ludicrous as _solid gold eggs. _

Karen made a mental note to no longer drink from Mineral Town's water supply, to avoid catching the crazy._ I'll just have to stick with alcohol_, she thought, taking a swig from her beer bottle, _If that's what it takes to keep me sane! _


	27. 27 Rick

**/Author's Note: **If what Karen's doing in this chapter seems strange or out-of-place, you might want to reread Chapter 8 to understand her little habit. It was a long time ago, I know! Also, I thought I'd take the opportunity to thank those who've read and reviewed! Thaaaank you! You make writing so much more rewarding. **End Author's Note/**

(27) Rick

There was a question that came up every so often between Karen and… well, anyone she knew. It was a question she asked herself from time to time as well. But it was one she _hated _being asked, and one she _hated _answering; but still, it was a question that seemed to follow her wherever she went.

_'Why are you with Rick?'_

She rubbed her eyes and sat up from her bed, once again clad in the chicken-print underwear her paramour had gifted her with. Karen kicked over empty beer cans as she clumsily approached her desk with a fresh piece of paper. She took a seat and extracted a pen from her favourite tankard-turned-pencil-holder. It was time to write again.

_Dear Rick,_

_ Okay, so. I don't know if you get this too, but… people often wonder why we're together. What can I say? We live in a superficial world! (I should know – I'm pretty damn superficial.)_

_ When they ask that, their intentions are clear. They feign curiosity, but what they're really asking is, 'Why be with him when you can be with someone better?'. And we could just about replace 'better' with things like, 'Better-looking?' 'More athletic?' 'Smarter?' 'More ambitious?' – Those are the questions they're really asking._

_ Basically, how in the name of the Harvest Goddess did a bodacious babe (Me!) end up with a chicken dweeb (…You. Sorry.)_

_ Obviously I just shrug it off. Pretend not to know what they're talking about. Tell them that True Love™ conquers all. You know, all that stuff. But sometimes _I _ask myself that and… that worries me. So here, let's try to answer that! Right here, right now! _

_ … You're dependable. You're safe. You're definitely a family man. You'd make a great father one day, and that can't be said for any of the other Mineral Town bros we have hanging around. You've got good values. Lose the headband and glasses and hey, you're actually easy on the eyes. And your arms! Damn, why is it a thing that if you work on a farm you get these amazing, juicy, beefcake arms?! This is why I could never date a city guy._

_ But more than any of that… you're my rock, man! We've been having pretend weddings in the forest since we were kids. I can't imagine actually tying the knot with anyone, but if it's gotta be someone, it should be you. I can be myself around you. I don't feel guilty drinking myself stupid around you! I don't feel bad expelling various gases from various orifices around you! I can punch you in the arm and you'll punch me back before worrying about hitting a girl! I love it. _

_ Not many things in my life are constant. I'm not "into" many things. I don't really have hobbies that stick, or passions to push me forward, or a cause to fight for or anything like that. I'm just me, and if I can get through life in this tiny village, drinking the same brand of beer and swimming naked in whatever bodies of water I come across, I'll be happy. What I'm saying is, you're one of the few things that've kept my interest in this little hamlet. That's gotta mean something. Even if I'm just taking the easy way out… No, that shouldn't matter. Not all things in life have to be hard._

_So, like… I love you and stuff. _

_Karen._

_And P.S.: Imagine if the roles were reversed?! Like, if I were a guy who just lazed around and drank all the time and punched you around. Man! Worst boyfriend ever, right? Ah, gender roles! _

Karen was satisfied. The words had come flowing from the tip of the pen and hadn't stopped, and she knew what that meant: everything she had just written had come straight from the heart.

Damn, she really got cheesy this late into the night. Must be the lack of alcohol in her system.

Fishing out another empty wine bottle from underneath her bed frame, Karen rolled the letter up and stuffed it in. She corked it with vindication. There was definitely something cleansing about squeezing the contents of your heart out and pouring them straight into a bottle. Kinda like vomiting your stomach inside-out after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled the bottle back under the bed, hearing it clink with the others.

It was with this peace of mind that Karen flopped back down on her bed and flipped through the channels on her tiny television set. The weather predicted another hot day ahead, sending Karen off to sleep through another summer night.


End file.
